I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
