you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
