one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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