So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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