I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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