Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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