its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
