Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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