is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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