dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
