You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize