I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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