you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
