Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
someone owes me an orgasm
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
