I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
