evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want her autograph on my taint
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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