She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
