He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
