Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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