Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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