And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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