he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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