What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
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I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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