? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize