I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did I show you my penis last night?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
