can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
