she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
