I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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