can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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