i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
