Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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