After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
