It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
