i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
