Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
