I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think i peed on brittanys purse
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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