did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
