after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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