is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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