Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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