I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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