Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
