I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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