so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
