just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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