Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
