Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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