Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
