I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
