She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
