Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
