dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
