Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
