nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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