I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
