that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
