And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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