We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
