He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
