Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
