Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
